I'll admit that I'm a very VERY irregular blogger- sometimes I write once every few days, sometimes, I don't write for weeks. I don't write for a multitude of reasons, but not having anything to write about is definitely not one. It's the exact opposite. There are so many things that I think about, debate about, struggle with within myself, and I find it really hard to pen it down. I can't get it organised. It's the same for my paper 1 essays... but at least the teachers are there to help me with that one. But seeing as how the IB exams have already started, I think it is unwise to discuss any more academic details (ie. my insufficiencies) on this blog until I can say that it is safely behind me, because believe me, it is taking its toll. It ain't like O levels where you breeze through (relatively) easily.

I have this urge to write during the exams NOT because I have too much time on my hands (I wish:)), but because what I am observing really astounds and alarms me.

Biology paper 2 was over yesterday, and the first thing I hear when we stepped out of the exam hall? No, it isn't 'thank you God' or 'I think I got everything right' or 'Yay, it's over.'The first thing I heard was, 'I got through IB Biology without having done a single genetics question.' The person I heard it from, I'll admit, studies really hard (like, remembers nearly every single thing in Allot:D) and works hard at it. But there's this uneasiness in me as I walked away from the exam hall- is this really what our education systems are molding students to become? You don't have to know everything to get a 7 (which, when you tell people you did, they'll think that you're a Biology genius). You just have to be lucky, pray really hard, and know about 80% of your

things. Is it fair when that student gets a 7(deservingly, or undeserving, you decide), but another student who understands the concepts and KNOW what he/she is talking about, but struggles a little with expressing her concepts in the words that appear in the markschemes get a 5, or maybe 6?

I think it isn't (though that's just my view). What we are really crushing here is not just a student's score, but her future. Yes, it sounds funny when you talk about how a biology grade can affect your life. But it really can. What if that student is denied med school because of that grade? Med school's really competitive you know. What if, that student, who used to be so confident about her academic abilities, and who believes that hard work and true understanding pays of, has his/her faith crushed by such an academic system?

Universities, schools, companies get your resume, but what they don't get is how much (or rather, how little) you worked to get what you did. They don't witness what I witnessed. The system's not fair to all the students out there who belong in the second category. I am a little angry at that, because you know what? Not all the best and the brightest are picked for scholarships, internships and jobs. Some, yes. ALL? NO.

You can tell me, 'But that's why they always have an interview in the selection rounds.' I have two points to make: One, that to get an interview to show them who you really are, they need to first SELECT YOU FOR THAT INTERVIEW BASED ON YOUR RESUME. Two, that there are people who happen be extremely linguistically adept and can talk their way through interviews, impressing people and getting through (when in actuality, they don't give a sh*t(pardon my coarseness).

I also feel that there is a problem on internship forms when they ask you to pick the industries that you want to work in in the future. Does it mean that if I'm unsure, and I want to try, but if I place your institution that as my second choice, will it make you drop me from your interview list? If I am applying fro two internships with two governmental institutions, does it make me sound like a hypocrite? Like someone who is confused? Like someone who is indecisive? Will both cut me from their interview lists, leaving me high and dry with nothing? Will I be forced to spend my holidays wondering if I would have made the interview selections if I placed one of the institutions as first choice (even though I am not really sure)?

I attended countless of career talks, which are supposedly aimed at helping teenagers like me make an informed choice. But what I ended up getting out of most of these talks are always the same. One, that every institution that you apply to would love to know that they're your first choice. Two, that most scholarship boards give scholarships with the intent to lock down talents early (hence binding them with scholarships) and they want to know that you have thought about your career path and is resolute about following it through with your scholarship institution of choice (which you made when you are an 18 year old). Many people I spoke with

after the talks, like scholarship recipients, some of whom I personally know, tell me that they regret it sometimes, and at their age (early 20s) are not sure about whether it is right for them. I mean, they are very very lucky to have gotten the scholarship, but as usual, me being me, I cannot help but wonder if, in their place, someone who had been very enthusiastic about the career, who are perhaps more sure than those people, have been denied a chance because their resume didn't look as good, or because they don't express/represent themselves well enough to impress those interviewers. It's a thought that bites, that erodes my faith in the system slowly as the days pass.

There are so many issues that I haven't even written about, or even talked to someone about, that I cannot finish discussing in this entry even if I am given the next two hours to write. Really. I not saying that the entire system is hypocritical, or nonsense or anything like that. I acknowledge that it has its plus points, and as with everything in life, is not perfect and can never be, even though we always talk about striving for perfection. Maybe the next time I can write about how I regret my subject combination (like I don;t whine about that enough to people I talk to:/) but at the same time, how it has made me stronger.

Really. If I had a chance to speak to our minister of education, or rather, just a curriculum developer or holistic education planner (is there such a post??) from MOE, without having to fear tarnishing the reputation of the institution I represent, or leaving a black mark on my transcripts, or from being negatively judged as a rebel of the system which has 'benefited' many, I would love to debate about all these issues. And maybe help them see what education is like from a student's point of view. Maybe it can help them save the money of hiring experts (who have probably been out of school for more years than you think), and analysts (who work with more stats than students/teachers) and help them see what can be done to help students across board. Not just the creme de la creme, but the average, the mediocre, those with abilities, those with ambitions, those who are not getting the education they crave and wish for.

But knowing that I probably will never get the chance to meet any one of the persons I mentioned in the paragraph above, I would still like to make a few suggestions here just to know that maybe someone will read it, agree, or simply, just consider the issue. And when they go on to do great things, or be in positions where they can do something, to remember this entry written by the 18 year old me, and think about the issue(s) at hand from the point of view of a student.

When wanting to conduct lesson observations, DO NOT inform the teacher before hand (that way, you get a real feel of what lesson is really like, not what it could be with three days of preparation which we all know teachers don't have, because they have so many other roles besides just educating us). Next time you want to teach things in a new way, such as

PBL, don't worry so much about the academic grades of the students it produces, but think about whether or not you have successfully created independent, curious thinkers who really are interested in the world. Cos these are the people who will go on to invent the next big thing, to discover the new cure, to inspire many more others. People who lack this fire but get straight As might make it to the Ivy Leagues of academic education, but chances are that they are not going to get any further.

I feel so liberated (almost), after writing about some of the things which have been troubling me. Sometimes I feel that I don't think like an 18 year old-we are supposed to be spontaneous, to be rash (sometimes), to perhaps do things we will laugh at 10 years later when we recall it- and that I think of a lot of issues that I cannot do anything about except write and talk about it, like I am an old soul trapped in a youthful body (funny isn't it, because usually, its the other way around:)). I like to think that one day, I can change the world for my (future) children. But why is reality so handicapping?

I would also love to say with confidence that the future is:But the reality is that, at this age,
And sometimes, this is how I feel:

Most of the time,
I don't mean to say that the future is bleak. I have just one question that I pray everyday that someone can answer:
Have you ever felt like you can see yourself now and ten years later, but you don't know how to get from here to there?

Labels: academics, future, life, school, worries