Marshmallowed

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i hate it when you tell me what to do and how to do it, and force it upon me when i obviously have my own way of doing it.

i hate it when you belittle what i am doing, because you think that there are more important things which i should (and AM) doing, because those things you belittle are the things that mean the world to me.

i hate it when i am condemned because of one tiny thing i didn't achieve and therefore the reins are tightened, considerably.

i like reminders, but i hate constant reminders of painful episodes which i am trying to give a closure to.

i hate it when you threaten me and there's nothing i can do about it.

i hate it that i am so weak for not being able to stand up against you.

i hate it that i seem to be losing control and no one is there to catch me after that soon-to-be inevitable fall.

i hate being rebuffed when i ask questions because i genuinely do not KNOW, and worse still, reprimanded for asking (can you blame me for my lack of faith then?)

i hate it that i've been feeling a lot more negative recently than i have been in weeks and nothing i do alleviates it permanently.

i hate it that i can't seem to make myself focus on what is important though its there, staring in my face, asking for my undiluted attention.

i hate it when i am wrong (thankfully, rare enough, thanks to my common sense).

i hate all the last minutes things that i do, and all my half hearted attempts, though god knows i am trying to change that.

i hate that i really am set on my goal of attaining a scholarship and studying overseas but the whole path to getting to that goal is foggy and i don't know enough (i promise i will fight for this, if only to study what i love:))

i hate it when the fact that i have no future studying what i intend to study is reiterated, and my explanations fall on death ears (THERE IS A FUTURE, a bright one, if i fight for it the way i intend to)

that's about it. it's a long list, but many of the items on this list can be improved upon (luckily:D) and i am going about doing it. i want to win the right way, doing what i love.

thank you very much. i believe in making goals and sticking to them. compromising is in this case, ineffective and uncalled for- it only shows how you have not thought through what you want and how to go about getting it.