i usually post when i'm feeling really really down. or extremely happy (well, rarely). it's becoming a bad habit, but this is a place where i think i can vent without affecting anyone but myself:) no collateral damage.

yes it's a bronze. i feel the urge to curse but i restrain myself. so what? people may say. it's alright. sometimes i just want to shout in their faces that IT IS NOT ALRIGHT and that YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO ME BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GO THROUGH IT ALL. you did not wake up every saturday morning at 7am to get to rehearsals for a month and a half. you did not have to miss classes (not that i really minded) to rehearse, nor rehearse three times a week after school in the weeks leading up to it. you had your free time to do all your freaking work, unlike us, or at least me, who has to play catch up, which, honestly is tiring me out COMPLETELY.

i hate not being able to fall asleep properly because somewhere deep inside of me i'm worrying about my EE, my TOK, my IAs and my WORLD LIT ESSAY.

i hate having to smile and be happy when i'm mostly depressed (except for when people crack jokes that really makes me laugh and drive those dark thoughts away for a few seconds).

i hate being such a lousy friend because i was and still am feeling upset at my lack of self discipline and for hurting people unknowingly because i'm insensitive.

a gold with honours would have been a nice reward for everything i have put myself through, but no, i would not say to make it seem more worth it, because whether we won or not, it was WELL WORTH IT:) it is not that i can't see the brighter side of things, but i can see the dark side too. the dark side which i cannot ignore, which i wallow in because it just happened that it fits my already bad mood today.

You know what sucks?
Realising that everything you believed in is complete and utter bullshit.

i've had enough crap in this year to last me ten lifetimes. please, if You exist, in any form, show me that you do. that there is hope still. that hard work always pays off and the bad are duly punished.

why do some people get everything in life, and others have to fight for every single little breath?