When I was five years old, my mummy taught me that happiness was the key to life.

When I was in school, they told me to write down what i wanted to be when I grow up.

I wrote, "Happy".

They told me I did not understand the assignment, but I told them they did not understand life.

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It is increasingly harder to stay happy these days, as if sadness and loneliness were sandbags tied to your limbs when you're struggling to stay afloat in the water, meant to pull you down. deep down. Every minute spent fighting the urge to let go and just sink meant another minute of life spent prolonging one's pain. To give up would be easy, which is perhaps why we should always take the hard way out.

It is so tempting to get annoyed at every little thing, to feel overlooked and uncared for just through one action, but i'm trying hard not to let it get to me. I count the happy moments, and when i'm feeling upset- just when i could feel the tears burning in the back of my eyes, i shut my mind for ten seconds and trying to recall how i felt when i was happy. the tears retreat- not in defeat, for they still come again- because of my forced optimism sometimes.

There is this exercise that we do in drama as warm ups- it never failed to get to me, no matter how many times i had done it. It is called recalling emotions. everyone sits down, and the teacher would instruct you to recall a certain feeling, then let it go after about ten to fifteen seconds. fear, irritation, surprise, anger comes in a flash and disappears in a similar fashion. we always end off with happiness.

i love what mr connor says after that, " Let it go. But not too far. Keep it with you for the rest of the day."

did work at the library before drama rehearsal at 3.30pm. and mr connor let us off slightly early due to good performance:) if only i could keep the discipline. met mummy for dinner and shopped for my birthday dress(es):D delightful-ness. it felt almost as good as eating a triple chocolate brownie- ALMOST.

rehearsals in 9hours- why am i still awake?:O then lee kong chian for the rest of the day:X:X:X:X:X sometimes, to say that life sucks is an understatement.