ironic how my world lit essay has the same theme. i could write about how the playwrights used fear as a tool to introduce the idea of stagnation, but i cannot explain how or rather, why my life have grown stagnant of late. still trying to meet deadlines, still trying to find my footing, though undoubtedly, this year is indeed a better year:)

since secondary school till even NOW, i have been chasing deadlines, sometimes asking for extensions, sometimes handing up a piece of work i know isn't exactly my best effort. often i complain about not having enough time, but most of the time, it is simply me wasting time. wonder where does time go after it passes? does it drip into a huge time sink located somewhere in the universe, or does it evaporate, and get reused, just like water? does it disappear permanently, or is it like energy- unable to be created nor destroy? what will happen when the world runs out of time? and as i am typing, i am actually delaying my sleep time:( been telling myself repeatedly that i need to stop running away from problems and start facing it, but i'd rather just admit that im a coward and find some hole to crawl into:/

i'm trying. i really am. just look at the 'planner' that i've been using [free one given when i donated blood] and you can see the effort. but is it enough?

well, might as well have something nice to look at while im brooding over my work:)



*because i'll never be good enough, will i? because im always second place...*