day one of chinese new year- the day that is both anticipated and dreaded.

anticipation, because it is the time of the year where everyone gathers together in a place, have dinner at the table at odd timings, but always having space for another pair of chopsticks at the table, for another fresh off the stove snack, for another pineapple tart.It is the time of the year where we spend time with our immediate family, where students (temporarily) banish schoolwork from their minds (mine's lurking somewhere i swear:/) and share some special moments. it is days like this where those bonding moments are framed mentally, stored carefully, for future reference when we turn old, wrinkly, or simply when we feel like we almost forgot how their faces look like, that helps us remember. it always leaves me telling myself that i will make more time, that i will care, and treasure these people and these times, but it never is enough.

they have made a colourful splash of colour on the canvas of life. i always wanted to say this, but it does seem weird to say it out loud- you're beautiful, every single one of you:) because you made a difference in my life.

which brings me to my second feeling- the one of dread. the time of the year where you get a physical appraisal of your appearance from those relatives whom you see once a year. "you've grown so tall!" *smiles, you say the same every year, even though its been two years since i last grew any taller. "you've become so pretty/handsome." *smile, say thank you and wonder if i had not been pretty last year...* the dreaded sentence comes in the form of, "you seem to have grown more flesh/plump." *erm... i blame it on stress, then swear off the new year goodies for the next hour. but seriously, who gives a damn when they are all sitting there to be opened and consumed? eat now and worry later!*

i love my grandparents the best- because they always defend me so well:) "i think she looks pretty the way she is now. it suits her." "she just has heavier, well structured bones." "she's not fat. in fact, she's too skinny!" its so very endearing, and i love them truckloads:)

yet sometimes i dread the day, because it is a reminder that the elders are now one year older, and i cannot help but wonder if everyone would still be here next year. it seems as if they are the ones holding the family together, like what oxygen is to life, what sand is to the beach, what love is to relationships- integral. as the younger generation, we should take the time to reflect, to remember, to hold close to the heart the idea of a family. because without family, a rich man's poor. they are the people who have known you before you were anything but a tiny fetus without a name, who loves you minus all your achievements, unconditionally, selflessly.


on this special day, remember. because they really think that you are beautiful. it is in the eyes.