haven't blogged in a month... missed having an outlet for my emotions, a place to vent and a place to share. well, hardly anyone reads it, so it can be like my personal diary?

its honours'day in school tomorrow, and a few of my classmates are getting awards:)very happy for them that their efforts in sec 1-4 are recognised, but still, i cant help but sulk and complain that tomorrow would be a total waste of time. the concept of utility- the measure of the worth of an action by its outcome- so to speak, would reflect that since i would derive little pleasure in witnessing and attending the award ceremony with a thousand plus award-ees that lasts for THREE HOURS, would mean that theoretically, i should just not go. the event would not contribute much to my overall happiness nor pleasure. yes, i should show my support to my classmates and attend the ceremony, but that three hours, excluding travel time back and forth home, could be better used elsewhere, like going to the SAFTI library to collect materials for my history IA which is due NEXT WEEK. or writing my TOk essay, or working on my TOK presentation, OR doing my report for bio pract 16.

Act utilitarianism states that, when faced with a choice, we must first consider the likely consequences of potential actions and, from that, choose to do what we believe will generate most pleasure. The rule utilitarian, on the other hand, begins by looking at potential rules of action.If adherence to the rule produces more happiness than otherwise, it is a rule that morally must be followed at all times. so...act utilitarianism speaking, i should stay home and do my work and be productive tomorrow as it generates pleasure not just for me, but for my teachers when i hand in my work on time. YET, rule utilitarianism speaking, i should go to school so i wont be breaking the rule as i do not have an MC and madam would be happy that i am supporting my classmates though i get ZERO PLEASURE AND HAPPINESS (ok, mayb one tiny bit cos im cheering my classmates on). individual interest versus a greater sum of lesser interests- WHAT DO I DO NOW?

really, life sometimes is nothing but irony. can do this, cannot do that. bounded by the very rules that we are trying to break or bypass. if we keep doing things for the greater good, is it alright to live a life whereby you are never happy but you make everyone happy? or is it better to live a life whereby you are happy at the expense of others? i would say a little of both wouldn't hurt,but where do we draw the line?

TOK is a GREAT subject, but well, too great. it makes us think beyond what we usually do, teaches us to challenge concepts and viewpoints, to think about why we think. but tonight, its making my head spin and tugging my heart in TWO OPPOSITE directions:/