no one ever told me that it would feel like this... to be separated. to be thrown into an all new place, to leave everything you knew so well behind. no one ever mentioned that immeasurable feeling of loss, of hearing empty echos in your head when you struggle to remember. it seems so hard, like the harder you try, the more you forget. i keep that photo in my file somewhere, to remind me when i start to forget how that person used to smile, how the other's eyes used to crinkle, how the fringe falls over some of their eyes, some to the left, others to the right. yet now when i realised that im starting to forget the way they spoke, their voices, the high note of delight, the annoyed tone of complain, the light tone of forgivance and the serious tone during meetings. and there are no reminders left to make me remember again.

it seemed oddly weird, the unexplainable pain ebbing away in a small corner of your heart. i always thought i would get used to it, yet i have to concede now, months after it was all over, that i never would. the times in camp when they used to say we didnt bonded strong enough, that we didnt care about each other. there's no reason to doubt that now do you?

i miss the way we always fall into step, no one struggling to catch up, no one being left behind. the way we somehow knew what each other was thinking, and speaking out with ease. the way the scratchy sofa always seem crowded, yet when another on of us entered the door, there was always room for more. how we struggled to find a day when EVERYONE was free- we never were- and it still amazes me today how we managed to meet together at all.

perhaps the bond was too strong? or is it only me who's feeling this way? am i the only one trying to cling onto all those memories that the others had long since packed up and nestled in one corner of their head? each day i try to tell myself that it's over, but with each meeting up session, i remembered how easily we picked up where we left it. yet how long will this continue to last? one day, would we see each other on the streets, smile and walk by? or will we still rush up to hug and gush about everything we missed in each others' lives?

i like my life now. but i know i can feel better. i just wanna see your faces, hear your laughs and complains, bitch about life and keep wishing all the while that that night will never end.

i wish upon the wishing star, that for my birthday this year, give me the gift i yearn for the most- a meal with all those i care for and love, a long long one, for me to make enough memories to last for another year.in the name of the most accurate wishing star i wish. PLEASE. PRETTY PLEASE.