im not sure if i should be happy or sad.

i wanted to get into IB didnt i? so now i got in, so why am i appealing to hwa chong? why am i wavering? am i simply afraid of being friendless or what? or fearful that i wont be able to cope with the 9 subjects in IB? what if i dun do well for A levels in hwa chong? what if i flunk my diploma? what if what if what if?

its stressful and tiring. ridiculous even. first worry about O level results, then about my SATS, now bout choice of school. im shocked that our education system is so complicated. and causing distress to many of us who are at the crossroads of life, who at 17 isnt young enough to be considered a child, but yet, not old enough to be an adult. here we are, stuck at the awkward stage of being a teen, wanting to gain control of our life but failing to understand the power of our rash, impromptu, sometimes even poorly informed choices.

just now a letter came. the words "ON GOVERNMENT SERVICE". those words. the first letter stands out ever so clearly- you have been offered the 2009 edusave scholarship for integrated programme schools at ANGLO-CHINESE SCHOOL (INDEPENDENT). that sentence which reminds me of the root of my troubles.

the appeal results are coming out tomorrow evening. my parents are hounding me about ACS, my heart seem to tug at HC. then to think again, IB isnt that bad either.

so how? what now?

leave me at the mercy of the school administrators. and hopefully i'll go in the right direction.