finally. tat dreaded day was over. from 1.00pm till 2.00pm... time seemed interminable. every second tat passed seemed to slow down, and even the air around us seem to come to a standstill; weighed down by worries, anxiety, nervousness, reluctance and animosity. our heart rates seemed over the top, and if there was a machine to record my heartbeats, im sure the docs would not have had hesitated to send me into the emergency and give me tranquilizers.

the bunch of us who sat at the side of the halls as if we were about to go in to take our papers- me, weiqi, jiaxin, jasmine, chiaheng, daron and bryant.- tried to make small talk, but it quickly became nothing more then just a few perfunctory sentences. no one was in the mood to talk.

the school seemed inexorable, bent on keeping us out of the hall, and when we were in the hall after a zillion seconds passed, there was all the time spent on talks about the JAE to keep us anxious, time spent to admonish students who were not in proper attire, eliciting more tension during the process of picking and sending those few into quarantine.

when miss tham made her way up the stage, that few steps leading up to the podium seemed to be in slow motion, and replayed in memory again and again. the words that we were longing to hear, that might set our hearts soaring, but which might allow few to seek solace in.

i made it up the few steps to shake miss tham's hands despite my nightmares for the past week. thank god. thank teachers and whoever there is to thank. i could hear nothing, due to the roaring sound in my ears and the wild, frenzied thumping of my heart. my legs carried me the way, but i didnt know how i walked up there without falling over. it was hard to smile because i was still in shock- shocked tat the nightmares were unreal, and shocked it was really me. suddenly my world was incongruous again, except this time- the scales were tipping in my favor.

nothing else mattered after that:) first persons i called was grandma and aunt irene:) yay. i felt like my heart could burst with joy when grandma said "that's my girl."

i thought it was over.... and now joy starts fading and confusion sets in. where do i go? it isnt for me to complain i know, but if my points cant get me where i want to go, i should still worry right? it is rudimentary to keep in mind that there are others who would be worrying more than me, but there's always a nuance between what others define as good and how i define that word. if its not good enough to get me into hwa chong. then its not good. shave off that one point someone. please.

should i opt for the CLEP? is it worth it? i really want that scholarship from MOE, but the condition was that i HAVE to get into hci by JAE, not through appealing:( shattered dreams...