no one called. not even to say "thank you for trying." and i have to say that i am so darn disappointed. not really because i didnt get in, but more of me drowning in our education system. im not exactly the best mugger, but im not the worst. im not very good at my CCA, but i do my best. i cant find a place for myself in this country's unrelenting system. no sense of self-identity.

people, teachers tell me that im good, but i know what completes that thought: im good, but not good enough. just that it isnt said out loud. there's always something in my life that doesnt fall into place. and this time, its my appeal. im not good enough. never was, never will be.

many of us are the average person, some, above average. im average too, but i realised that im not satisfied being one. one day, i will figure out what makes us different. the average joe and the not so average people- the extremely privileged ones.

the school prides itself on being academic, yet there are students admitted not for academic excellence but for sports. not saying that it is wrong, but i just cant stop myself thinking (selfish though as it is), that if those students werent recruited, would i have had stood a chance? in our world, is it really sports that dominates the society? the millions of dollars famous sportsmen earn in endorsing a product compared to the few thousand a teacher earns by imparting knowledge. how is it ever measured to be fair? not i have a chance to be heard by ranting and raving here do i?

i just want answers. yet after so many years spent in getting an education (that's why they call it), i havent gotten one satisfying one, or even one remotely close to answering my questions and doubts. residue of my questions? hurt, confusion, anger and sadness. not exactly a very nice combination. so what if our education system is constantly being reviewed and revamped? all those people introducing the new changes- they've never heard from the students have they? had they gone through our daily school life, understood how we felt, the feeling or anxiety while waiting for our exam results, the feeling of confusion and loss when we do not understand what exactly are our options, the feeling or hurt when we didnt meet our goals?

i know that someone has to fail for someone to succeed. but the question would always be: WHY IS IT ME?