I M SO TIRED.

LEAVE ME ALONE.

why do people even care i dont know. sometimes i dont even feel like caring about myself. or what i go through. its like i m observing and experiencing from an outsider point of view. i see all these things happening, yet i kind of didnt feel it. i like the feeling when i ran till my legs go numb and cannot support me anymore. when walking feels like floating. when reality seems like dreaming. when i am tired enough not to think about anything, i feel at peace with myself.

and that state of zen-ness is hard to achieve. and difficult to snap out of, not that i want to. cause with all the stress mounting on me, it feels better when i can either be in this zen like mode and disconnect, or cry. cause crying lets you get everything out quickly. flushing everything outta the system, only to come back after a few days. but better than nothing i suppose.

so they say: when one door closes, another door opens. yeah, right. this happens. but each door leads down a path harder to walk down than the other. and it is taking everything i have now, this one. and i m very tired. like i have nothing more i can give to my friends. and when they give me so much i feel guilty that i m simply taking.

cry cry cry. the bad thing bout it is that it makes your eyes look puffy. and people around you worried. but whatever. its good to do so.

i am so sorry everyone. sorry i can t give back as much as i take. love you all loads. hope you all know okaes?