i confess alright. i cant take it anymore, underneath the strong facade is a me who is feeling drained everyday.everyday, as the hour goes by, its eating into me a little bit. bit by bit. every lesson drains something outta me, i dont know what but it makes me lethargic. no matter whether i sleep at 10.30 or at 12.30. its supposed to be the BIG "O"s this year but my heart and mind arent in the right place. or so i say.

i m still thinking of camps and cca and student council, even when i am so set to make studies my priority. my heart's in what i'll do after class, not what is the next class, though i no longer fall asleep, except during chem today, cause miss ong repeated everything... sorry. i cant help. you know the sensation when your eyelids get heavy and when you strain to pay attention, u eventually give in? i kind of think i m better off attending lectures and tutorials and getting one to one lessons. i absorb like 10 times faster than during class. mr ooi taught me the r formula after school for a maths in like 15 mins and i managed to do 8 questions. in class, i took 15 mins for one lousy question. though i have to admit that it is hard cause its an application question.but whatever. i m so darn disappointed in myself.

even though i promised to do better, and to give my best. AM I A LIAR? lying to myself, the lowliest form of self deception. aargh. i feel bad already....... like i shldnt be blogging so much as i m supposed to concentrate on my studies but hello, its like the only place where i can vent to ppl who understand. it isnt like if u tell your mum- i had a bad day- and they understand. parents somehow lose connections with their kids after they are like 10 or 11... no matter how hard they try to hold on. i m right arent i? u think... and u'll have your own answer.

and the way A keeps talking bout B, i get this feeling that its A who likes B. yet A is pushing it to me. i feel weirded out. what am i crapping about?! wth. u understand dont you? if yes, finally... smeone knows. if u dont, too bad. good for u though.

gotta go already. love you all who read!:) thanks!