went around yesterday and today to film the lives of 2 very extraordinary boys-- Alister (14) and Rifa'i (11).

cant really elab on how i feel, cause there's this complicated surge of emotions, all clashing. i'll try my best to describe them, cause its really special and i feel that everyone shld try to understand:)

hmm... sathia, darren, vathsala, chee sern, mr lam and i went to alister's house to film. alister is 14, and has celebral palsy. yet he did not let this hinder his progress. he uses a motorised wheelchair to move about, and goes to a mainstream secondary school. he's really cheerful and independent, moving himself about mainly without the help of his caregiver. he grew up in a really caring and supportive environment, and his family seems very close knitted. his younger brother, 9 this year, really loves him. ALOT. and u can see it.

his birthday wish this year was that his brother could walk.

and when i first read about his wish, it really struck me- we're really shallow, compared to him. our birthday wishes are for material stuff, more often than not, and if its not then its more about ourselves, and not others. perhaps its time we relook and search further and think about what life really is.

"once you learn how to die, you learn how to live." - morrie, tuesdays with morrie

spot on, isnt it. we alwaes overlook tiny details of our lives, never stopping to enjoy what we have while it lasts, only mourning its loss after we realise that its gone. sometimes, when you focus too much on achieving, you lose this bit of yourself, and dont get it back. this piece of humanity. so much for stopping to smell the roses. its only when you realise how little time you have left then you would start to actively make changes. when i heard alister's brother say out his birthday wish once more, in front of alister, in front of the camera, i sorta winced. the simplest wish could be the hardest one to fulfill. money cant buy many things, esp time. so we should grasp what we have and hold on tight.

many ppl stare when they see others in wheelchair, and they keep staring. and staring. and staring. do you? only you know. but do you know that it hurts the person you are staring at, and their family? rifa'i has duchenne muscle dystrophy, and when he goes out with his family members, ppl stare. and sometimes make nasty remarks. today, when we went to film him, his mother recounted some nasty experience with strangers who did not understand his condition and made hurtful remarks. and my eyes just welled up. how could singaporeans be so unfeeling? and rifa'i and his family are really really strong. and for this, i admire them.

it was only when i asked rifa'i did i discover that he only started being dependent on a wheelchair towards the end of his P3 school year. adn he's in P5 now. he was only diagnosed when he was 5. and can you imagine the emotional rollercoaster they went through? i caould feel the helplessness of his parents when they first discovered that rifa'i has muscle dystrophy. the association and support group for children with MD was only formed 5 years ago. and to date, there is no cure for this illness, which is terminal.

it must have been hard for rifa'i to be able to walk, run and play with his siblings, and now, confined to his wheelchair. if it were me i have no idea how i would take it. yet rifa'i alwaes have a smile to spare for everyone, and is cheerful and happy. i 'll remb what his mum says forever :"if it werent for the support group, i think i would have been in the mental hospital by now. there is so much pressure." " i can only take each day as it comes, as no one, not even the doctors, can tell us what will happen tomorrow." " i really hope that people will understand that being in a wheelchair only shows that he is physically disabled, not mentally. he's just like every other child at heart."

can we? will we? could we? will we make an effort to integrate these kids into the society? will the day come?

we'll see...more l8r:)