i don't want to sleep but i don't want to stay awake. i don't want to breathe but i don't want to hold my breath. that very feel of restlessness, of not knowing what to do anymore- it is becoming more and more familiar, frighteningly so. losing interest in everything... except for happily ever afters. i'm waiting. still.
sometimes i wonder if it'll ever come. i've seen so many examples around me- how two imperfects make one perfect. sometimes its not that hard, but we try too hard. maybe if we step back and take a look then we'll find happiness lurking in a corner? like it is that easily found.
how i look on the outside is not what i feel on the inside. does yours match up? or is it a mismatch like mine? perhaps the difference is what we call personality- because the difference in every individual is different?they say happiness is inward... so if i have less inside, does it mean that im less happy?
seeing the world once a year- that's my happiest moments. to go somewhere other than staying here. i like being on the move. i enjoy being on the move- to miss home rather than be home. in that way, im weird i suppose. to know that there is so much more out there, to feel the endless possibilities, to challenge myself to adapt to a new place.
im finally figuring myself out. well, starting to. 2010. a whole new start. i want be anywhere where but here. im going to figure out how to do that.
I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy. I'll be your hope, I'll be your love be everything that you need. I love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do.. I will be strong I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on
A new beginning. A reason for living. A deeper meaning.
I want to stand with you on a mountain. I want to bathe with you in the sea. I want to lay like this forever. til the sky falls down on me...
And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky, I'll make a wish send it to heaven then make you want to cry.. The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty. That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of.. The highest power. In lonely hours. The tears devour you..
I want to stand with you on a mountain, I want to bathe with you in the sea. I want to lay like this forever, Until the sky falls down on me...
Oh can't you see it baby? You don't have to close your eyes 'cause it's standing right before you. All that you need will surely come...
I'll be your dream I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy. I'll be your hope I'll be your love be everything that you need. I'll love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do...
I want to stand with you on a mountain, I want to bathe with you in the sea. I want to lay like this forever, Until the sky falls down on me...
if only everything was this simple... i realised that life could be simpler- only if we attempt to simplify it. but what is ironic that we were the ones who started complicating things first, weren't we? you only know love when you've been burned, that the grass is no greener on the other side when you get to the other side, that what you give is what you will get in return.
since no one reads this blog anymore, i figured that all my updates are basically just a form of stashing my memories somewhere.
finally back from new york. well, been back for almost... four days?:) still missing the weather there. and the bargain shopping. and central park. been so caught up with my life that i seem to be slowing missing fragments of it- friends especially. want to say a sorry to all my friends whom i care for and who cares for me, who love me so much that they do their best to rein me in:) thank you for not abandoning me when i somehow am stupid enough to lose touch with you:)
they say love is like a crystal ball. wonderful, but fragile. the feeling of being shattered- i dont see how i can describe it to justify just how much it hurts- but i wont wish it upon anyone. i might have accidentally caused it, and whoever i hurt, i'm sorry. really, truly, deeply. i didnt mean it. hope i didnt shatter any crystal balls this holidays:X i love all my friends:)
make me less selfish. make me more deserving of the love i have gotten, and am still getting. make me more thankful. make me strong. please. it's all i want.
For the days filled with nothing but sadness... a little happiness, goes a long way.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
How do we effectively use language to spread the good, kindness and beauty of the world? How do we use language to make the world a bette place? More often than not, we use language to hurt people, to cause pain. Think of the number of times a certain vulgar word coming out of your mouth out of anger? Think of the number of times you have been on the receiving end of such words? We might have laughed it off, attributing it to our short tempered-ness, but underneath, had we really been hurt by it, no matter whether the person meant it or not? Think again:)
Here's a little story to see how we can make this world a better place, full of compassionate people, and how language can cause this change:)
A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign which said: “I am blind, please help.” There were only a few coins in the hat. A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.
Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy. That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, “Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?” The man said, “I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way.” What he had written was: “Today is a beautiful day and I cannot see it.” Do you think the first sign and the second sign were saying the same thing? Of course both signs told people the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign told people they were so lucky that they were not blind. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?
Something for you who reads it:)
“I asked for Strength…and I was given difficulties to make me strong. I asked for Wisdom…and I was given problems to solve. I asked for Prosperity…and I was given a brain and brawn to work. I asked for Courage…and I was given obstacles to overcome. I asked for Love…and I was given troubled people to help. I asked for Favours…and I was given opportunities. I received nothing I wanted, but I received everything I needed. Live life without fear, confront all obstacles and know that you can overcome them.”
have you ever struggled to breathe? have you ever had trouble focusing on exhaling and inhaling? have you ever felt the fear when you realised you cant control the above two? have you ever wondered what's wrong with yourself and blame it all on paranoia? have you ever go to sleep wondering if you will wake up tomorrow? have you ever felt like you feel like you could see where you will be in ten years but have no idea how to get from now till then? have you ever wondered that if the world ends tomorrow, how much regrets would you have? have you ever wondered if people whom you care for cares for you? have you ever felt like putting everything down, chucking everything you ever owned out of the window in a bid to remember who you were before all these things masked the true you? have you ever been at a loss of what to do? have you ever felt like you are losing control, that you no longer know what will happen in the next second? have you ever felt that you were not good enough, no matter what you did, no matter how hard you try? have you ever wished so hard that you would fall sick miraculously and not go to school the next day? have you ever felt like everything you are doing is wrong, from the EE to the TOK essay to the IAs? have you ever felt like crying when you ask for help and all people say is to hang in there and you will soon figure it out?
Is it really fair? Is it really fair to make fourteen year olds choose their subject combinations that will dictate where they can go and what they can do when they grow up into mature, sensible individuals? is it fair for a system to start eliminating people from young and then tell the eliminated ones that its ok, we have special schools and programs to suit your special needs? neither is it fair to place so much stress on kids since primary school.
have you gone shopping in the primary school assessment books section in POPULAR? just go to any branch. it freaking scares me. the tables after tables of assessment books, the SALE posters put up next to it- 3 for 10 dollars. parents just snapping the books up by the baskets, not even considering if their child can handle it on top of school work. what makes a kid not do well in school, and lose interest in learning, and fear exams? it is the day to day learning process that snuffed out that little fire in their little hearts and minds. obviously, some of the resilient ones survive, but what about the others? andrew er, and those weekly sci/eng/chi/math revisions, plus exam papers from top schools. do we really need them?
it is no wonder why the education industry is so lucrative, just think of the thousands of kiasu parents out there who cannot wait to pour their money into assessment books. parents who hem, how many ever went through what the books are about, the contents or if it is suitable for their children? how many looked through it and attempts them? he one universal solution parents turn to- TUITION. is it just me or do others also realise that tuition here does not only mean clearing doubts about syllabus, but about getting your child ahead to be number one.
i just have a very logical statement to make. there is only ONE NUMBER ONE. so what if your child is not it? what if it isnt because your child is not good, but because he made a few careless mistakes, or misread the questions? does it mean that he/she is not good? does it? how many parents have ever told their children that they will always be number one in their hearts, that they will love them regardless of results? does it not matter now?
parents don't give birth to a child to brag about his/her results. if the child do well, great, added bonus. if the child does not do well despite working hard, encourage him/her, not SEND THEM FOR TUITION. many singaporean couples cite high cost of living and education as reasons to have lesser children, but think about it- who is the one who insists on their child having tuition, on buying assessment books?
nuff said.
then now, where do i go from here? how do i realise my dreams? no one can tell me how to get there, and all tell me the same thing- just get good results and all the doors will be open to you. but what i really want to do is not something that requires fantabulous results. i want to host my own show on discovery travel and living. i want to open a bakery, to become a chef. i want to counsel little children, i want to educate parents on making the right choice for their children. can someone tell me how do i get about doing anything?
i'm tired. sometimes, it just seems like the road ahead is all fogged up, and i cant see more than where i am now.
i don't want to sleep but i don't want to stay awake. i don't want to breathe but i don't want to hold my breath. that very feel of restlessness, of not knowing what to do anymore- it is becoming more and more familiar, frighteningly so. losing interest in everything... except for happily ever afters. i'm waiting. still.
sometimes i wonder if it'll ever come. i've seen so many examples around me- how two imperfects make one perfect. sometimes its not that hard, but we try too hard. maybe if we step back and take a look then we'll find happiness lurking in a corner? like it is that easily found.
how i look on the outside is not what i feel on the inside. does yours match up? or is it a mismatch like mine? perhaps the difference is what we call personality- because the difference in every individual is different?they say happiness is inward... so if i have less inside, does it mean that im less happy?
seeing the world once a year- that's my happiest moments. to go somewhere other than staying here. i like being on the move. i enjoy being on the move- to miss home rather than be home. in that way, im weird i suppose. to know that there is so much more out there, to feel the endless possibilities, to challenge myself to adapt to a new place.
im finally figuring myself out. well, starting to. 2010. a whole new start. i want be anywhere where but here. im going to figure out how to do that.
I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy. I'll be your hope, I'll be your love be everything that you need. I love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do.. I will be strong I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on
A new beginning. A reason for living. A deeper meaning.
I want to stand with you on a mountain. I want to bathe with you in the sea. I want to lay like this forever. til the sky falls down on me...
And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky, I'll make a wish send it to heaven then make you want to cry.. The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty. That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of.. The highest power. In lonely hours. The tears devour you..
I want to stand with you on a mountain, I want to bathe with you in the sea. I want to lay like this forever, Until the sky falls down on me...
Oh can't you see it baby? You don't have to close your eyes 'cause it's standing right before you. All that you need will surely come...
I'll be your dream I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy. I'll be your hope I'll be your love be everything that you need. I'll love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do...
I want to stand with you on a mountain, I want to bathe with you in the sea. I want to lay like this forever, Until the sky falls down on me...
if only everything was this simple... i realised that life could be simpler- only if we attempt to simplify it. but what is ironic that we were the ones who started complicating things first, weren't we? you only know love when you've been burned, that the grass is no greener on the other side when you get to the other side, that what you give is what you will get in return.
since no one reads this blog anymore, i figured that all my updates are basically just a form of stashing my memories somewhere.
finally back from new york. well, been back for almost... four days?:) still missing the weather there. and the bargain shopping. and central park. been so caught up with my life that i seem to be slowing missing fragments of it- friends especially. want to say a sorry to all my friends whom i care for and who cares for me, who love me so much that they do their best to rein me in:) thank you for not abandoning me when i somehow am stupid enough to lose touch with you:)
they say love is like a crystal ball. wonderful, but fragile. the feeling of being shattered- i dont see how i can describe it to justify just how much it hurts- but i wont wish it upon anyone. i might have accidentally caused it, and whoever i hurt, i'm sorry. really, truly, deeply. i didnt mean it. hope i didnt shatter any crystal balls this holidays:X i love all my friends:)
make me less selfish. make me more deserving of the love i have gotten, and am still getting. make me more thankful. make me strong. please. it's all i want.
For the days filled with nothing but sadness... a little happiness, goes a long way.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
How do we effectively use language to spread the good, kindness and beauty of the world? How do we use language to make the world a bette place? More often than not, we use language to hurt people, to cause pain. Think of the number of times a certain vulgar word coming out of your mouth out of anger? Think of the number of times you have been on the receiving end of such words? We might have laughed it off, attributing it to our short tempered-ness, but underneath, had we really been hurt by it, no matter whether the person meant it or not? Think again:)
Here's a little story to see how we can make this world a better place, full of compassionate people, and how language can cause this change:)
A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign which said: “I am blind, please help.” There were only a few coins in the hat. A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.
Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy. That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, “Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?” The man said, “I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way.” What he had written was: “Today is a beautiful day and I cannot see it.” Do you think the first sign and the second sign were saying the same thing? Of course both signs told people the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign told people they were so lucky that they were not blind. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?
Something for you who reads it:)
“I asked for Strength…and I was given difficulties to make me strong. I asked for Wisdom…and I was given problems to solve. I asked for Prosperity…and I was given a brain and brawn to work. I asked for Courage…and I was given obstacles to overcome. I asked for Love…and I was given troubled people to help. I asked for Favours…and I was given opportunities. I received nothing I wanted, but I received everything I needed. Live life without fear, confront all obstacles and know that you can overcome them.”
have you ever struggled to breathe? have you ever had trouble focusing on exhaling and inhaling? have you ever felt the fear when you realised you cant control the above two? have you ever wondered what's wrong with yourself and blame it all on paranoia? have you ever go to sleep wondering if you will wake up tomorrow? have you ever felt like you feel like you could see where you will be in ten years but have no idea how to get from now till then? have you ever wondered that if the world ends tomorrow, how much regrets would you have? have you ever wondered if people whom you care for cares for you? have you ever felt like putting everything down, chucking everything you ever owned out of the window in a bid to remember who you were before all these things masked the true you? have you ever been at a loss of what to do? have you ever felt like you are losing control, that you no longer know what will happen in the next second? have you ever felt that you were not good enough, no matter what you did, no matter how hard you try? have you ever wished so hard that you would fall sick miraculously and not go to school the next day? have you ever felt like everything you are doing is wrong, from the EE to the TOK essay to the IAs? have you ever felt like crying when you ask for help and all people say is to hang in there and you will soon figure it out?
Is it really fair? Is it really fair to make fourteen year olds choose their subject combinations that will dictate where they can go and what they can do when they grow up into mature, sensible individuals? is it fair for a system to start eliminating people from young and then tell the eliminated ones that its ok, we have special schools and programs to suit your special needs? neither is it fair to place so much stress on kids since primary school.
have you gone shopping in the primary school assessment books section in POPULAR? just go to any branch. it freaking scares me. the tables after tables of assessment books, the SALE posters put up next to it- 3 for 10 dollars. parents just snapping the books up by the baskets, not even considering if their child can handle it on top of school work. what makes a kid not do well in school, and lose interest in learning, and fear exams? it is the day to day learning process that snuffed out that little fire in their little hearts and minds. obviously, some of the resilient ones survive, but what about the others? andrew er, and those weekly sci/eng/chi/math revisions, plus exam papers from top schools. do we really need them?
it is no wonder why the education industry is so lucrative, just think of the thousands of kiasu parents out there who cannot wait to pour their money into assessment books. parents who hem, how many ever went through what the books are about, the contents or if it is suitable for their children? how many looked through it and attempts them? he one universal solution parents turn to- TUITION. is it just me or do others also realise that tuition here does not only mean clearing doubts about syllabus, but about getting your child ahead to be number one.
i just have a very logical statement to make. there is only ONE NUMBER ONE. so what if your child is not it? what if it isnt because your child is not good, but because he made a few careless mistakes, or misread the questions? does it mean that he/she is not good? does it? how many parents have ever told their children that they will always be number one in their hearts, that they will love them regardless of results? does it not matter now?
parents don't give birth to a child to brag about his/her results. if the child do well, great, added bonus. if the child does not do well despite working hard, encourage him/her, not SEND THEM FOR TUITION. many singaporean couples cite high cost of living and education as reasons to have lesser children, but think about it- who is the one who insists on their child having tuition, on buying assessment books?
nuff said.
then now, where do i go from here? how do i realise my dreams? no one can tell me how to get there, and all tell me the same thing- just get good results and all the doors will be open to you. but what i really want to do is not something that requires fantabulous results. i want to host my own show on discovery travel and living. i want to open a bakery, to become a chef. i want to counsel little children, i want to educate parents on making the right choice for their children. can someone tell me how do i get about doing anything?
i'm tired. sometimes, it just seems like the road ahead is all fogged up, and i cant see more than where i am now.
This is my personal blog which reflects my opinions and thoughts. MINE AND MINE ALONE. It is intended to provide a semi-permanent point in time snapshot and manifestations of whatever is drifting in my brain and any such thoughts or opinions expressed within out-of-date blog entries may not be the same as those that i may hold today.
those words keep slipping away..,
